I woke up at 4:07 this morning.
Actually, that was what the clock said when I finally gave up on finding a comfortable sleeping position, and turned to see how middle of the night it really was.
It has been a few weeks since I have woken up thinking (OK, obsessing) about things. Usually my tendency is to wake up around 1:30 or 2am, but 4pm, well it's just late enough in the morning, that falling back asleep will really mess with the REM cycle.
So, I got up. The worries about everything: from trying to quiet down folks during the prelude to worship, to finding money to increase staff salaries, to broaching the topic with my folks about bringing the dog with to Christmas celebrations, to getting the press release out about the concert... the list goes on.
What is it about laying (lying?) prone at 4am that starts this tidal wave of thoughts, concerns, worries and fears. Everything is amplified as I look up at the bedroom ceiling. Everything seems to rise or fall based on my ability to keep the people in pew 3 on the right from talking during the music director's prelude.
So, I rose, grabbed a notebook and started writing down everything that was swimming in my mind. Set it aside, made the coffee, prepped food for supper tonight, cleaned up clutter in the rooms of the house, and waited for the light to come.
And as it gradually got lighter, the fears and worries melted away. No beautiful sunrise, just a growing glow. No epiphany of understanding, just a steady dissipating of fear.
The light shines in the darkness. And the darkness has not overcome it.
1 comment:
Oh do I know these nighttime worries...and the gift of the break of dawn.
Prayers of peace for you - especially in the hours of sleep.
Post a Comment