Friday Five: Preparation, preparation

Prayers go out to Sally as she writes:
This has been a difficult week for me, the death of a little six year old has overshadowed our advent preparations, and made many of us here in Downham Market look differently at Christmas. With that in mind I ask whether you are the kind of person that likes everything prepared well in advance, are you a last minute crammer, or a bit of a mixture..... Here then is this weeks Friday 5:

1. You have a busy week, pushing out all time for preparing worship/ Sunday School lessons/ being ready for an important meeting ( or whatever equivalent your profession demands)- how do you cope?
Just kinda barrel on through. Although a good glass of red wine at the end of the day often helps...


2. You have unexpected visitors, and need to provide them with a meal- what do you do?
Behold, the power of cheese. We always seem to have cheese available in our household. We love the cheese, and our lovely cheese monger - who we make a pilgrimage to at least once a month- has us set up well, ready for any and all people who come to share the beauty of cheese. Oh. and wine. maybe Belgian beer as well....


3. Thinking along the lines of this weeks advent theme; repentance is an important but often neglected aspect of advent preparations.....
When I lived in Russia I was first introduced to the idea of Advent being a mini-Lent, of sorts. The orthodox priests described it as the 'short' fast. Since then I've come to appreciate colleagues and friends who take this time to return to the source, either by cutting things from their diet, or purposefully stay away from the capitalist Utopia which we call Christmas shopping. Advent is a call to return to our source.


4. Some of the best experiences in life occur when you simply go with the flow.....
Hmmm. Not an easy statement for us type A personalities to, uh, flow with.


5. Details are everything, attention to the small things enables a plan to roll forward smoothly...
Well, details are important, but not everything. There is enough of a rebel in me to enjoy some unexpected aspects... especially when I am reminded that I am not in charge of everything, the world does not rest on my shoulders, it's like the quote I have in the front of my calendar:
"You are not totally, personally, irrevocably responsible for everything.
That's my job.
~God"


Bonus if you dare- how well prepared are you for Christmas this year?
Ha! I laugh at the thought!
Are we really ever prepared for Emmanuel?
but
Emmanuel is ready and waiting for us

early, early morning wanderings

I woke up at 4:07 this morning.

Actually, that was what the clock said when I finally gave up on finding a comfortable sleeping position, and turned to see how middle of the night it really was.

It has been a few weeks since I have woken up thinking (OK, obsessing) about things. Usually my tendency is to wake up around 1:30 or 2am, but 4pm, well it's just late enough in the morning, that falling back asleep will really mess with the REM cycle.

So, I got up. The worries about everything: from trying to quiet down folks during the prelude to worship, to finding money to increase staff salaries, to broaching the topic with my folks about bringing the dog with to Christmas celebrations, to getting the press release out about the concert... the list goes on.

What is it about laying (lying?) prone at 4am that starts this tidal wave of thoughts, concerns, worries and fears. Everything is amplified as I look up at the bedroom ceiling. Everything seems to rise or fall based on my ability to keep the people in pew 3 on the right from talking during the music director's prelude.

So, I rose, grabbed a notebook and started writing down everything that was swimming in my mind. Set it aside, made the coffee, prepped food for supper tonight, cleaned up clutter in the rooms of the house, and waited for the light to come.

And as it gradually got lighter, the fears and worries melted away. No beautiful sunrise, just a growing glow. No epiphany of understanding, just a steady dissipating of fear.

The light shines in the darkness. And the darkness has not overcome it.

A little early holiday spirit

What Would Jesus Buy?

holy and steep ground

The past few weeks have held many, many things. But this morning I get to sit, looking out of our front window at the gently falling snow, and reconnect with my writing self, my quiet self, and my warm and furry dog (the last one, a bit strange, yes, but big, hairy dogs are quite wonderful this time of year.)

Today feels somewhat like standing at the top of a huge sledding hill, looking out at the well traveled path ahead, but still learning the turns and curves that are veiled with this year's new snow.

It's a huge and steep hill, for the next months will be a fast paced ride. And in sledding one really doesn't have time to plot the course, but rather we react to what comes, and rely on our vision that we had at the top.

So as I stand at the top, looking out toward the valleys which hold the Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter free falls of joy, the Advent and Lent tree-shaded difficult paths, and the Epiphany moments of bright light, I stand in wonder at this whirlwind ride that is about to begin.

It will pass in a flash of light, and when we reach the bottom, we gather up our sleds, our strewn out mittens and boots, pulling them together to begin climbing back to the top to begin our ride again next year.

So with a deep breath, a quick sign of the cross and a jump start... we're off!

I should have knocked on wood...

I should not have tempted fate with my last post.

The past week was powerful, beautiful chaos. But in the midst of it, I don't feel as if I am off-set from a place of peace. This is rather unusual. Perhaps it is that I now have a few years of full time ministry under my belt, and I'm no longer scrambling to keep up with congregational and worship life.

Or perhaps it is growth.

A colleague who is new to ministry had been commenting to another who had been in ministry for 30 years, about how she had lost sight of her own spiritual discipline. His reply: 'welcome to pastoral ministry.'

Now, this is not a new phrase or comment for most of us who work in parish life in some form. Which, in and of itself, is terribly sad. But for a veteran of this call to welcome a new pastor to a rather hope-less voyage of ordained ministry...

But it does not have to be this way. This is not the path of ordained ministry I signed up for, nor will I follow it. When we are called to offer a Gospel path to the folks who asked us to serve their congregation, we are called to take care of our own spiritual lives and invite them to care for theirs as well.

Peace in chaos
Creation in stillness
Prayer in demanding times
Hope in bare, unyielding landscapes.

Holy Grounds: November Days

I think November may be the quietest month of the church year.
There are no new programs beginning for the fall.
High school games are done with their regular seasons.
Most confirmation Sundays are in October or April.
The first three Sundays are pretty low in attendance due to deer hunting season.
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter... all of them still a hopeful planning distance away.

In the north country, November doesn't bring an end to autumn, that has long since been over. There are no more colors on the trees, or in the distances. Harvest has long since been over as has all the canning activities that go with it.

So November is the stark month. There is no beautiful blanket of snow to cover the brown grass or muddy trails. There are few holiday lights decorating houses (thank God) for the first part of the month.

The landscape is bare, the air is cold, the wind carries woodsmoke, the land has gone into hibernation.

It is quiet, and it is absolutely beautiful.

Halloween = Inclement Weather

I can't remember a Halloween where I have not needed:
A. rain jacket
B. hip waders
C. down jacket
D. skis

Why is it that this day always seems to hold rather terrible weather?

Perhaps it does draw back to the original understanding of All Hallows Eve. Where the spirits would wander the earth in anticipation of All Saints Day. It's like they would come early to the party, check out the guest list, and catch up before the actual formal festivities began.

I've seen enough fantasy movies that tell us the weather brings with it tidings... sometimes fearful ones, think of fog rolling in, thunder clouds suddenly gathering, and like today: snow falling.

If I was a more superstitious person... but in this line of work, who isn't at times?

Searching for meaning... picking up pieces

Our hearts are breaking again...

Thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of a young woman in southern Minnesota. Which echoes the horror felt only two months ago by another community in northern Minnesota.

Perhaps as we get older, and we just get better at picking up the pieces, and holding them out to God to reform and reshape.

The hardest part is helping those we love do the same. The woman in southern MN was a close friend of my brother's. And while he isn't a stranger to grief, my heart still breaks for him. It can be a tiring exercise... moving from funeral to funeral, saying goodbye to friend after friend.

May we all sense God's peace in this troubled world.

Friday Five: Pumpkins and Apples

Singing Owl writes....

All Hallows Eve (Halloween) is near. As a child, Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. We didn’t yet worry about razor blades in apples or popcorn balls or some of the other concerns people have with Halloween these days. Halloween was a chance to be mildly scared, and better yet, to dress up and pretend to be something we really weren’t. Let’s talk about that a bit, but then let’s add in some food ideas for this year. Where I live the leaves are falling, the temperature is chilly and pumpkins are for sale everywhere, along with many kids of apples. What's more, the "Holiday Season" will soon be upon us. ACK! I could use a new idea for dessert. So, here we go…

1. How did you celebrate this time of year when you were a child?
Of the three children, we all started with the "beginner" halloween costume- which was a rather scary clown outfit. With a little of mom's eyeliner and shadow, we were set for our trick or treating adventures. After a few years, our parents would switch off- one would go out with us and the other would dress up and do a theme as they handed out candy to kids.

2. Do you and/or your family “celebrate” Halloween? Why or why not? And if you do, has it changed from what you used to do?
Since we don't have children, the dog refuses to be dressed up, and we live in a rather remote area, we don't celebrate much. But I still buy candy in hopes that we will get some brave souls... the ones that make the drive to the pastor's house.

2. Candy apples: Do you prefer red cinnamon or caramel covered? Or something else?
Definitely caramel covered. Definitely.

3. Pumpkins: Do you make Jack O’ Lanterns? Any ideas of what else to do with them?
I gotta carve at least one pumpkin a year... but I'm not the most artistic of carvers. So on Halloween sales last year, I got a carving kit with real nifty designs! Carving begins this weekend!

4. Do you decorate your home for fall or Halloween? If so, what do you do? Bonus points for pictures.
Like my sister, I am only allowed to decorate one month before the holiday. So I will often do a general fall theme of colors and candles- not as much the halloween stuff, though... see #3- no one to see it!

5. Do you like pretending to be something different? Does a costume bring our an alternate personality?
I've never been much for dressing up. Perhaps it is because now people ask to borrow MY work uniform -the collar shirt- to dress up. It's an interesting thing to now become a costume idea. I suppose it is a bit like being a superhero...

Bonus: Share your favorite recipe for an autumn food, particularly apple or pumpkin ones.
Pumpkin Soup. (For more details, email me) Take a moderate size pumpkin, clean it out, rub with veg oil, salt and pepper inside. Place in a sheet pan with lip or roasting pan. Fill 3/4 full with chicken broth and any other yummy soup-like ingredients:carrots, celery, onions, cooked chicken, rice, etc. (best to partially cook rice or grains before adding).
Then place in oven at 325-350 for at least 1 1/2 hours- or longer. Serve the soup out of the pumpkin, scraping the sides of the pumpkin to add the meat. Makes a great center piece as well as a meal!

Thursday sermon procrastination

Oh the dangers of facebook and myspace... they take away valuable time from blogging...

Fear factor foods...

I was reminded this weekend that I did try one of the more disgusting things in this world -

A little over a year ago, a group of us were traveling in Peru where we tried the local delicacies of cuy and chicha: Guinea pig and a fermented corn beverage.
The guinea pig was a little tough and not too remarkable.

I nearly gagged when I learned that the fermentation process involved old women spitting, yes spitting, into the great big vat of liquid as they prepare it.

I still shudder a bit at this... but am somewhat proud of myself for trying it. I can handle anything, right?

Friday Five: Homage to the Top Chef!

This Fall Rev Hrod's family has been energetically watching Top Chef on the Bravo channel.

The winner for this season was Hung. Not the fan favorite, but he won fair and square. In his bio, he says if he were a food "I would be spicy chili - it takes a while to get used to, but once you eat it you always come back for more!" With that in mind, here is this week’s Friday Five

1. If you were a food, what would you be?
Hmmm... this is kind of a tough one. I think there should be online test for this... but if I had to be a special secret ingredient for Iron Chef, I would probably say: the avocado. While I don't believe i am the world's most perfect me, I think the avocado is the world's most perfect food. It is great for protein, vitamins, minerals, good by itself or mixed up in things. Plus, where else do you get to each such beautiful shades of green?

2. What is one of the most memorable meals you ever had? And where?
After months of living in Russia, we left the country to renew our visas in Estonia. Tallinn is an ridiculously charming city. In the town square, we sat down to a lovely meal of fresh greens, a good red wine, and a beautifully prepared steak topped with roasted pears and Gorgonzola cheese. Might have been the fact that the waiter actually wanted to speak English with us, that we were welcomed as foreigners or that fresh greens and pears were actually available and affordable. We still talk about that meal...


3. What is your favorite comfort food from childhood?
Rolled out shortbread Christmas cookies. They are fabulous. 3 ingredients: butter, sugar and flower. Mix together, roll out, make crazy cookie cutter shapes, put on pan and douse with various colored sugar crystals. The whole house smells like butter for days. And they literally melt in your mouth. Cookie making was an all day affair at our home growing up, and I loved the family effort it encouraged.

4. When going to a church potluck, what one recipe from your kitchen is sure to be a hit?
Wild Rice salad. It's not as dowdy as it sounds... but the key: hand picked, hand parched wild rice. Seriously. It's worth the cost. Nothing is as good. Toss the cooked rice with lots of freshly chopped vegetables like bell peppers, roma tomatoes, red onion, carrots, etc. and some good balsamic vinegar and olive oil. Yummm (plus it can sit out for a while without too many fears....)


5. What's the strangest thing you ever willingly ate?
At an Armenian restaurant with my sister and brother, we ordered an appetizer plate (we had no idea what was on it... it was in Armenian!) Set before us was a beautiful mix of pates and spiced meats. We all enjoyed the thinly sliced meat and onion dish on flat bread until my sister exclaimed... "I know what this is: It's tongue! I can see the taste buds!"
Needless to say, we didn't eat much of it after that...

Bonus question: What’s your favorite drink to order when looking forward to a great meal?
A really, really good glass of red wine. Either a bordeaux, pinot noir, or malbec (these days, anyway)

Is love all we really need?

Today I had a visit that just knocked me out. I am still wondering so many things about pastoral care, about my role as pastor and spiritual guide. And I am, in essence sad.

For this evening, I counseled a woman to leave the marriage I blessed not even a year ago.

She feels like a failure. Her husband feels like a failure. They both are squeezing so tightly and looking in such different directions that I wonder how I didn't recognize this during the pre-marital counseling.

So, in essence, I feel like I have failed both of them.

I couldn't, in good faith, counsel the woman to stay in this marriage that keeps her bitter, angry and tormented.

But a small voice has me wondering if I should attempt to preserve the institution of marriage as much as possible. Is that my call?

Holy Grounds: Rainy Sundays

The past few weeks have left a mark- so it wasn't a surprise that I woke up at 3am this morning worrying about the worship service where:
A. we were trying something different, again. (would people walk out again?)
B. We have started another "low attendance season" aka. The hunting seasons begin...
and
C. the vocal complainers would be present and looking for their "suggestions" to be implemented.

Yeah, I worried about that for about an hour or so. Climbed back into bed, put my cold feet on my husband (he's still pretty good about that, maybe after 5 more years of marriage though..) and proceed to have scary dreams about the service.

Really scary.
Like showing up naked and forgetting the sermon - scary. (which is worse? Hard to say)

After a swift make-up job to mask those eye bags, I was off to church- adrenaline flowing.

And...

It all went well. No one walked out. (of course certain people didn't show either... their loss) A couple of duck hunters actually arrived (promises of good food in the freezer!) and complainers were (for the most part) satisfied.

But the thing that still constantly amazes me is how I always love my job during and after worship. The people, the hugs, the prayers, the songs, the conversations, the children, the grandparents. All of them served me today in reminding me that God is still calling me to this life of mine.

What you didn't learn in seminary could fill a library...

This job can really get to a person.

It is a ridiculous notion that 1 person is expected to fill the needs and expectations of a multitude of individuals, each with a differing priority agenda, and fill them now.

I know pastors encounter this regularly, but it still doesn't seem fair. They never trained us for this in seminary. If they did, would we still go out to these calls, bright eyed and filled with hope and Gospel? Maybe...

Through all this, I have found colleagues that often find themselves in the same predicament in this little community. This has been good. And many of them, my congregation members, so it deepens our understanding of ministry.

Jobs I now empathize with: school principals, hospital administrators, funeral home directors, and union leaders. (this is a short list, but it is a small town, after all)

The problem arises then, when even through our mutual experiences of unreasonable expectation and entitlement, suddenly, the collegiality and friendship is taken advantage of. The exact same behavior we lament over together is used against a colleague and it forms a wedge between community leaders.

And the whole community feels it- and is paralyzed to do much about it.

Sometimes I wish we had a support group for this. Perhaps a leaders anonymous. LA. A 12 step program which helps us understand the power we have in this community, how to manage it, how to understand our abuse of it, and ultimately realize that it is not ours to control.

How can we find Grace in positions of power if we are so weary from the onslaught of raw human need and unreasonable entitlement?

Preparing for a Holiday

We are going on Holiday... this was a term I first came across when I lived in Europe. The diverse community of expats and residents in that country always referred to time away as "going on holiday."

In the US - we call it vacation. It does have a very different tone: vacation- to vacate a place - or to go on holiday- to go to holy days- to find holiness.

As I prepare to vacate this town and this work (which, never really is vacated) for a week - the days leading up to the holiday are pressured. It is almost as if the world is telling me that I cannot leave, I can't vacate. There is too much to do. To many fires to put out. To much brokenness to help mend. Too many problems to solve.

And I grow weary. Because now, I can't vacate. These things will come with me. They will be in my computer, in my calendar, in my ever-list making head...

How then, do we not attempt to vacate, but instead honor the holy days ahead?

Guard the Mondays!

It really is amazing how quickly a day off can be taken away.

Now, for pastors, notable exceptions may be funerals and emergencies that involve hospital visits, family care and general loving care in the name of our God.

But it all starts when a meeting is scheduled for a day-off night- in this case, a Monday, and then it is easy to be coerced into more...

Well, Pastor, since you'll be there for x meeting (did I say I was going to be there? I must have) the can we meet about y as well, it will only take 20 minutes or so. And since you will be there for x and y we should meet about z. (How long is z?) well, we just need to meet for a bit about z.

Sigh. Getting cornered after worship on Sundays, when I'm flying high on coffee looking forward only to a nap... I'll agree to anything to get out of the church door I guess.

It is, indeed, a slippery slope. Now it's off to church for the evening! Yipee!

Friday Five: Meetings, Meetings

In honor of a couple of marathon meetings Reverend mother attended this week:

1. What's your view of meetings? Choose one or more, or make up your own:
a) When they're good, they're good. I love the feeling of people working well together on a common goal.
b) I don't seek them out, but I recognize them as a necessary part of life.
c) The only good meeting is a canceled meeting.

I'd have to go with a). And I might clarify: when they are run well, facilitated well, and there is a spirit of hope and mission. Since I am not a particularly creative individual, I am happy to put energy and hope into process: administration can be a great gift!

2. Do you like some amount of community building or conversation, or are you all business?

If we are only all business, then nothing to do with community and conversation will ever be developed. I had a new member of our staff relate a comment she made to her spouse: "we don't get anything done at staff meetings! I mean we pray, we check in, we read devotions and go through the calendar, but there are no lists to check off!"

3. How do you feel about leading meetings? Share any particular strengths or weaknesses you have in this area.

To be honest, I'd rather lead a meeting, if for no other reason then the fact that I know how. Meetings need to be facilitated well with a clear leader who keeps us on task, respects every person and the time that is given to the meeting. Time for discussions and airing of grievances is better after the meeting perhaps one to one.

4. Have you ever participated in a virtual meeting? (conference call, IM, chat, etc.) What do you think of this format?

Not as big of a fan. Soooo much can be learned from facial expressions and body language. So much- it's almost as important as the topic itself.

5. Share a story of a memorable meeting you attended.

Are you ready? Drum roll please: The council meeting that was under an hour.

Holy Ground: 6 years of Ministry

It's hard to believe that we have been revenging for 6 years now.

So much has happened since then. The day the attack happened, I had just started seminary. Strange to think that my entire training and ministry has taken place during a time of war.

As I read, studied, communed, learned, preached, and witnessed it was always in a context of a war; of a time of revenge; in a time of getting back at the bad guys... whoever they may be, because they seem to change often based on whether or not they have what we want.

So after 6 years of a weight that has overtly and silently sat on my and the whole world's shoulders, I can't help but wonder:

What is it like to preach the gospel in a time of peace?

The simple life

I've always found it interesting the number of books that are written about people's adventures to quaint, country lifestyles and simple basics. I came across the latest of these in a magazine, where an author decided to learn about raising goats by traveling across 43 states.

Now.
I may be way off but it seems to me that the only way to really learn about raising goats is to sell your city cabin, move to the country, buy a farm and some goats.
Subletting your condo, and traveling with the book advance isn't quite the same thing.

There are many folks that try this- whether they sample different religions, try to eat local food for 2 summer months or sample country living by leasing a fully renovated farm house with no plumbing problems or mice infestations.

A recent report tells us that now over half of the US population is no longer rural. And it seems that some kind of romanticism has popped up about the good life in small farms. But it is simply another form of tourism.

If life in rural areas was really encouraged to continue, the Farm bill wouldn't be helping corporate agribusinesses, but family farming practices and health agriculture practices.

People would know that canning vegetables is a full time and tricky business- and in February, your are either out of dill beans or really, really sick of them.

An author would learn that raising stubborn goats for milk is a dirty, messy, financially strapped, and sometimes very lonely job.

How can we simplify our lives if we can't give things up?